a coney island of the mind

i think i've tried over fifty beers and only one has sucked

Mon, 20 Aug 2007 22:32:51 GMT

hours are becoming scarce in the past couple weeks as we are in the midst of the popular holidaying period of the year for most brits. to combat the lack during the week i've been working saturdays, most preferably at the maple leaf. last saturday was quite fun and an agitated blur from engaging with the staff as well as a particular aussie customer who apparently liked my service so much he vowed i would be the godfather to his children. the manager is named scott, who's a downright cheeky and laidback bloke. a native canadian, he likes giving us free shots of jager and sambuca while we work provided we dont overdo it. too bad lee and fran aren't like this. he doesn't suck up to unruly patrons either. plus he also likes guided by voices, telling me a bewildering story about seeing them three nights in a row in nyc and then apathetically stumbling to a bar nearby after the third show where the band's afterparty happened to be...playing pool with robert pollard and drew barrymore and the strokes, now there's a holiday for you anti-celebrity cynics. after we closed we drank guinness and more sambuca and played trivia, and on my way walking home i smoked my first cigarette in four months. to tell you the truth it didn't taste good at all, even the feel of it between my fingers felt new and awkward all over again, which further confirmed my decision to quit, yet one for old time's sake was alright. i needed one since i was in the drizzly cold with no jacket due to some dickhead swiping my jacket by mistake in the back storage corridor. other than that i had a great time, much better than the crap bar on knightsbridge, the paxton's head. empty and faulty taps, minimal staff, an unconcerned manager who doesn't even bother to introduce herself, i will never help her out again.

tonight i had an hour cut off my shift so around nine i decided to venture and find the apartment of jimi hendrix, which ended up being about a 25 minute walk from the pub, on brook street, by park lane. en route you have to pass by the american embassy as upper brook connects to grosvenor square. the entrance resembles a martial law declared construction zone. guards with automatics, signs blaring "DO NOT WAIT HERE" and dilapidated sidewalks with more signs feverishly directing american citizens to go here for visas and not there. once away from that nonsense i strolled casually with my ipod blaring appropriate hendrix bbc sessions goodness and onto his old block. the place was marked with a sign, right next to where the composer george handel lived also. i was surprised as to how non-residential the street had become. pseudo flats teetering above hair salons for men and unimportant designer shoe stores with mediocre looking restaurants mixed with desperately fashionable offices. during the day this place must be overrun by emaciated hipsters and money lovers, all too proud of their surroundings without owing credit to the nostalgia that brought it in the first place. amazingly enough around the corner was regent street and hamley's. despite my caustic analysis i loved every minute of it. especially in 58 degree weather, boy am i glad i'm not at home right now! for more reasons that that obviously.

really digging this r.d. laing book about alienation and how society can alter or negate experiences, basically so far he is expressing concern with the lack of significance in the psychological community on experience versus behavior and the pseudo-science quantitative preoccupations of it, being written in the sixties some of it is a bit dated and would come off as quite bitter but in many cases i think he's right, some aspects he observes in my opinion haven't changed that much. i think a lot of it is applicable to today's overprescribed bureaucratic attitudes in mainstream psychology.

saturday morning is manchester and seeing kiley again after ten months and a three day weekend experiencing life in the north country. mike is coming over in october and we're going to amsterdam, brussels and berlin. then if i have enough money, italy for two weeks. do i really want to go back to kentucky???

Sun, 22 Jul 2007 20:16:32 GMT

Amongst the chirping birds and the lovesick couples and boaters on the serpentine, i was cozily reading under a tree, absorbing the simple witticisms of bukowski and acknowledging a contemplation he had while writing a screenplay based on his own young drunken escapades. he mentioned that a reason for his disdain of films is that they are being created for an audience that hates to be upset or surprised, and that people who read novels and short stories are more than delighted to be upset and provoked. i think there is much truth to this, especially when observing glorified irrelevant 'stories' in the media or the obvious fact that people overwhelmingly prefer movies to books. the excuses to which many resort for not reading is befuddling and amusingly childish. now i know that there are many a book snob out there who rejoice in their willful obscure tastes (hell i am the musical equivalent of this) but it's quite irritating to realize that people would rather read about books than to enjoy the works in themselves. maybe i'm the one being a bit whiny and digressing but i think i just don't have faith in my generation, we are too individualistic and we are doing a terrible job of keeping values and virtues alive. maybe i should just shut up and enjoy things and let the world take its course because it will anyway. as long as you are happy, that is the only relevant thing and anybody or anything that threatens this does not matter one iota. at least i can think about all of this under a cloudless london sky which is rare. btw dont take this to heart, i'm still quite enjoying myself here but you know me and my cynicism, it's what makes me Me. maybe it's the big city life that is enhancing these thoughts as well as my tendencies, london has a knack for that. i find it quite funny to observe wandering eyes on the tube, if you don't have anything to read you frantically try to find a place to stare that isn't another pair of eyes, and i regretfully do this as well. why can't we just be comfortable and trade a few innocent words with each other? what are we all so afraid of? i am the worst case of this of course as i am sickeningly quiet anyway but londoners love to complain hypocritically about this aspect of its culture.

people aren't this way in other parts of england. when i went to cambridge a few weeks back i was warmly greeted and engaged in conversation with locals who loved to chat about anything even if they didn't know you. i stayed overnight in a b&b which was basically this woman's house where she rented out her extra rooms. after plunging into a coma of a slumber from walking about twenty miles the previous day, i awoke to a plush breakfast which i enjoyed with the woman and an older couple whose daughter was graduating from uni that weekend, hearing recollections of their school days over tea and freshly baked chocolate muffins. later that day an older gentleman named james was playing fetch with his dog in one of the many parks and he came up to me and offered an interesting commentary about how his particular breed of dog was quite rare (manchester terrier i believe it was) and a slew of other light topics. he also wasn't preoccupied with me being a foreigner, but gave me some advice as to what to explore for a weekend trip in the city. i also tracked down the house of syd barrett, albeit a year after he died, i just wanted to see it in its careless simplicity, that a man responsible for many modern pop and psychedelic music trends lived here for a quarter century watering his plants and painting without any desire to return to the music world or be visited or praised for his accomplishments. an eccentric, but a genius nevertheless. i wished i could have seen him in the flesh. he hated being bothered by fans so i wouldn't have pushed for a conversation, simply a nod of approval would have made my day. the house was full of junk as far as i could tell from the outside, and you wonder if the neighbors either were aware of the celebrity once in their midst or if they found it cliche, then again it had been almost a whole year. apparently there had been a mouthwatering frenzy of an auction for the place once he had died, people all over the world were offering millions of pounds for the place.

by the way, cambridge as a whole is marvelous. quiet countryside appeal yet the concentrated area of colleges in its downtown area is admirable and comforting. the trees and grass are richly green, the river cam walk is soothing, and you aren't so disappointed to pull out your umbrella for that short characteristic english shower. i noticed there had been a wedding nearby at some point on the cam and the couple were punting blissfully, nice to know you saw a slice of the best day of their lives. it would be an incredible place to fall in love or to have a career or simply take a biking excursion. experiencing this town alone reinforced the idea that if i came back here in the new year it could not be in london. i love the city but i need a place where people are happy because of who they know and sharing what they have learned in that communal sense and not by the things they have or desire to have. though i have yet to visit them, it would seem to me that upon seeing the cliffs of dover or the colorful bike-saturated streets of amsterdam or the ornate wonders of italy, that bank balances and wardrobes and opinions of others wouldn't make life grand. i say all of this in all its error and bore but despite that london is incomprehensibly wonderful and i wouldn't trade my place or life right now for anyone else's.

on that note i think i will (gasp!) watch a film.

duffer st. george and i don't care

Sun, 17 Jun 2007 21:27:24 GMT

today i took a stroll initially from hyde park corner to buckingham, forgetting entirely about the ceremony commemorating the 25th anniversary of the falklands conflict. venerable choppers clearing the airways for the more magnificent fighter jets that spewed red, white, and blue smoke was only the prelude as i strolled half-attentively while bewildered by the cluster of people at the palace gates. once there i managed to snap a few pictures of the swarm of officers, government officials, and what appeared to be an excess of high society individuals who seemed complacent making their appearances for such an event. By sheer good timing I even caught a glimpse of the queen centered amongst the noise in a loud pink dress and accompanying hat as well as mr. blair himself, though i couldn't place myself properly for a photo op. i found it exciting to witness, though i was soon aware again of my original plans of the day, and my expatriate patriotism quickly wore off as i maneuvered through the crowd of geriatrics in st. james park, to westminster abbey and over to whitehall, then back down northumberland avenue to the thames path, and my intent to walk to london bridge and then up to the hipster borough within a borough that is shoreditch.

the walk was cool and relaxing despite the distance, and the only thing i could label as irritating was this group of rollerbladers that kept passing me and then stopping as if they didn't recognize their way around, letting me catch up with them only to have to let them pass again by stepping aside on the more narrow strips of the pavement. not that i'm the expert on navigable skate routes, but there were too many stairs and detours in the walk path to allow for a smooth trip and they should have known! (gee, dont i sound like a drag today? ;) ) but seriously, in hindsight it made for a satisfying chuckle. made it to the bridge and the infamous tower, snapping a few more photos as i observed with curiosity at the layout of the brick/stonework of the tower, as to how many centuries are represented by the layers built over one another again and again, and to boot the number of prominent historical figures who lost their lives or lived them out in confinement in those lonely chambers.

i got a tad lost even though i felt i had studied the london a to z map well enough to picture it mentally on the way to shoreditch, relying on the road signs to direct me. i had been before, but only once and at night to see akron/family, so there wasn't time for sightseeing nor did i want to wander around at the time...hackney is definitely one of the rougher areas. i ended up in bethnal green, which luckily had just as much if not more of its own charm. a little more ramshackle of an enclave, littered with flyers of shows long ago performed and indifferent graffiti, but the best parts were the people who were selling their belongings just strewn about their little sections of the street (brick lane) as if they had no sense of anyone else doing the same, which there were in droves. cheap tacky books, old cassettes, electronics that appeared more useful as paperweights than their intended functions, these people were selling either the last of their treasures or finding shit in the dumpster and slapping a price on it. scattered all over the street with pedestrians avoiding their ineffective sales pitches and cars trying to drive through all of this, i had to balk and remove my earphones simply to add to my novel assessment of the area. another guy was cloyingly gyrating to random hipsters while singing "no woman no cry" and that did put a smile on my face. all i needed were my converse sneakers and i wouldve fit right in, maybe...soon after cut over to shoreditch high street, which honestly was less to look at and contained less people, but didn't believe it is always this way. i need to go back perhaps with my friend callista and enjoy some of the pubs and a dj set or two.

in two weeks i will be going to cambridge, to delight in the architecture of the churches and universities, and to see the home of the late syd barrett. a fallen angel if you will, maybe perpetuated by drug abuse, but i think it was much more complicated than that. yet that is another discussion. i have a coach ticket for saturday morning the 30th at 930am and to arrive at 1130, and returning sunday evening. staying at a bed and breakfast, a rather nice one too. ta for now.

major major major

Mon, 28 May 2007 15:32:52 GMT

As i woke this morning i combed my hair and took a gander upon my three day old brow wound...in a nutshell i drank a bit too much on thursday, and from what my roommates said, hit my head because i couldnt stop stumbling. From the looks of it, i could have just as plausibly been in a fight, possessing a massive scrape over my temple coupled with a black eye. Friday was spent enduring the questionnaires from our regular customers, after which i would retort cunningly with excuses like "the guy just couldn't accept that we ran out of sauvignon blanc" or "you should have seen the other guy" followed by a corny wink. Anyway, if that's the dumbest thing i've done so far in this city then i think i'm faring pretty well.

The week was blessed with gorgeous weather, unfortunately the bank holiday weekend has been tarnished with subtle rain and frigid gales. February is a more appropriate month right now than the impending of June. I did however, get to take a stroll in Regent's Park with my new friend Sophie on saturday...we covered much of the boundary and the football fields, eating apples and commenting on how no one pays attention to the no dog signs, righteously so. I mean, why would dogs not be allowed in certain open spaces? We then took the canal walkway which leads directly to camden lock, an amazing marketplace of ornate designed clothing, jewelry, and other accessories, located off of the much more conspicuous camden town market. There were myriad food kiosks, from just about every part of the world one could conjure when it comes to delicacies. I indulged in my first ever crepe, basically a batter shell resembling a tortilla that wraps various fillings, in this case a concoction of nutella spread, bananas, nuts, and whipped cream. Absolutely sinful. I then did my best to rid my fingers of its remains and avoiding the increasing rainfall to browse through a quaint tiny bookstore that boasted an impressive collection of philosophy, linguistics, and psychology. A Bertrand Russell penned summary of human knowledge (however facetious such an attempt to write would be in the first place) caught my eye, yet the inscripted price was twenty-five pounds, so perhaps at a later date. We then purchased tickets at the cinema in Angel to see the new Pirates of the Caribbean, and enjoyed a couple of pints while we intended to wait out the interminable rain. As the temperature also began a downward spiral i soon rued not wearing a jacket, yet was quickly enveloped by the ambient warmth of the theater. The movie wasn't bad either, yet i felt not quite up to par with the first two, and the storyline a bit convoluted. However with the present company it was still a great day.

Yesterday i took a jaunt along the south bank to london bridge with my friend Megan and then spent the rest of the night in, as the deluge outside only worsened and nevertheless i had errands around the pub that deemed attention. today was even lazier as i only ventured to sainsbury's (the uk equivalent of kroger or meijer) for some necessities. The aforementioned gales made for a wintry end to the weekend, so far we have stayed in and cooked sausages, couscous and chips.

As of now, the only responsibility that is stressing my mind is getting my bank account up and running. I have my cards, the PINs, the account numbers, but my activation code was screwed up by a faulty security measure in the letter i received so i have been forced to wait out the holiday to inquire about it. Perhaps getting my first paycheck (finally) was to blame. I am thinking about what weekend trips are possible throughout the summer. I have been looking at Cornwall, and am already in love with the photos of its dramatic cliffs and coastlines. Brighton, Essex, Leicester, Leeds, these are only a few. Better keep up the hours to ensure it.

Catch-22 is a pretty hilarious book by the way, it is as if the entire novel is one long entertaining definition of the term which has since been a part of our lexicon. Read it if you get the chance.

Mon, 07 May 2007 00:22:02 GMT

A cute girl was sitting alone in a restaurant on Shaftesbury Avenue reading a Bill Bryson novel, which one i wasn't sure since her sultry blonde 'do was almost overload in addition to the fact that she actually reads, and reads good authors.

I find the west end to be saturated and perturbing but weirdly at the same time beautifully so, and the obvious point of reference is the many points of nyc - the village, soho and all those parts. People here are extremely reserved and many are assholes like the ones in ny but definitely not in the annoying desperate cries for attention like in america. there is that facade but underneath are very refined and quaint people, the most amusing part being the contrast between the almost pathologically polite residents versus the stereotyped snide working class joes. nevertheless i love it here, the weather has been amazingly generous as there has been very little rain but i hear it's coming.

The job is pretty enjoyable now that i'm becoming more accustomed to the fast paced multitasking and familiarizing with the computers and making sure lunch orders are correct. i like the night more since people dont really order food but it is exponentially busier. i'm getting to know the regulars - there's a guy, Brian, who always comes in around 11 and orders two london prides then back to work, we've talked about horse racing and muhammad ali and the olympics. others have resorted to calling me 'kentucky' and keep asking me if i eat a lot of fried chicken, but in a charming sense. we dont really get tips but i've received a few from this group of norwegians who come in every night and i took it upon myself to give them table service. i'm spitefully selective that way - when americans come in they act annoyed by the fact no one comes to wait on them...the managers, Lee and Frances, are a very nice couple, they let us have a few pints when everything is cleaned up. they catered a private party last week and i got wasted at it and then went to the after party at another pub, great first social outing in london.

the parks are blissful here. kensington and hyde are like central park but with more open space and conjures more antiquity. today i went to abbey road and regent's canal. battersea park is soothing with the subtly fishy smelling background of the thames. other than the touristy stuff the parks have been my primary focus in addition to the hip areas - carnaby street, oxford street, tottenham court, soho, covent garden, king's cross, shoreditch, camden town, etc. i've been adapting to a whole new system of time management and transportation outside my direct control, aka the public transit. the walking has made me feel thinner, and i have at times boundless energy perhaps due to the fact that as of now i've quit smoking cold turkey. i dont even crave one, and i know that pisses off everyone who has such a hard time quitting. i'm just too busy and too poor to be preoccupied with it, if i was sitting idle id want one for sure.

so far i've witnessed a car crash and three fights in two weeks, but in proportion to population it's still a remarkably safe city. but for now im finshing laundry and will get some sleep to enjoy my bank holiday tomorrow.

Sat, 21 Apr 2007 21:39:07 GMT

The weather for a moving day could not have been more clement. Guiding the awkward uhaul through congested traffic on a cloudless afternoon amidst the roars and growls of the fighter jets conducting their flashy synchronized exhibitions left me with pervasive fatigue and pleasure. Good thing I didn't decide to move today instead, as all this Thunder Over Louisville fervor would have forced me to resort to the side roads and weaving between miles of cars left by people who only venture to the big bad scary downtown once a year. I've noticed how security (aka rent-a-cops) in these lavish east end neighborhoods is tighter than most areas of the city, yet these families already have an almost zero percent chance of encountering crimes in their isolation and in the process divert the police from attending to those who really need them.

The last two weeks have been more fulfilling and exhausting than any time in recent memory for me, as the realization of moving away for the first time in my life is only now really sinking in. Busting my ass in my final week of work at ups, I undertook three extra night shifts thinking ahead astutely to make the most of my departing check with an irritated back as evidence. I tripled my money at Keeneland on Saturday and earlier this week received a formidable gift from my grandmother over after-dinner cognac and ruminations of her European travels. So for a brief moment, the funds shuffled in and then back out through these generous offerings and last minute purchases (notebook lock, work clothes, well-wishing alcoholic nights, etc.). After the final stage of moving had ceased there was a momentary lapse of memory as staying at home for the first night in three years made it seem as if that time never happened. My old room is saturated with books and boxes and furniture so I seek shelter in the basement and pirated wireless access in the guest room.

The Talbot is a pub around the corner from Buckingham Palace on Little Chester Street. Serendipity has befallen my journey before it has even commenced as I acquired a placement in this charming establishment, looking forward to serving an area mostly populated by locals which means less tips, not only is it closed on weekends but I will still have a 40 hour week. Free weekends in London! Asking for more would be a certain jinx. I simply cannot wait to saunter the streets and shops and cafes and parks and attractions and to embrace the culture and the potential friends and the touristy sections and nostalgic architecture with a naive gait. And the gigs, my god the gigs. Something every night if I so pleased. There are already three that have caught my eye as I eagerly anticipate analyzing the approaches audiences take in England vs. the States. You hear overwhelmingly that over there they are stiflingly courteous yet every cosmopolitan area possesses its eccentrics and surly individuals, all of which my desires churn to witness.

My giddy temperaments are being catalyzed by these incessant low flying jets in the resplendent horizon so I must leave and tend to final preparations. My next update will be across the pond - cheers, mates!

It had a number, written on his forearm, it spelled disaster

Sat, 24 Feb 2007 20:01:27 GMT

I was falling asleep early this morning to the title track from Kid A, a fairly ambient soundscape, hushed and nuanced with mr. yorke's reticent lyrics sung through some kind of distorted vocoder - unintelligible with a faint shrilly echo quality, but there was a striking familiarity to it as i contemplated. I suddenly realized this familiarity was a reminder of the house I lived in when I was about five or six, and being amused one day from noticing the peculiar acoustics of the main hallway. Right in the middle of it, if you stood and spoke loudly enough there was a buzzing echo to your voice, its trailing aftereffects seeming like it persisted for way too long, even if it was for about two seconds. I found this particular sound quite funny, and at times i would scream and babble when running down the hall just to hear this little tweak and to erupt in trite giggling, probably to the confusion of my mom, she probably had no idea why it was so humorous. I don't remember if she ever realized it or if I ever talked to her directly regarding it. Weird how those everyday 'little things' memories tend to be treasured and recalled as vividly as the so-called more significant ones: parties, trips, marriages, births, deaths, bad days reminisced as entertaining anecdotes, creepy stranger fucks in public whom you simply wanted to get away from but in retrospect almost wish you could run into them again, etc...

It has also conjured a recent trend in my reflections. Being in a certain place or time as a child, whether it be the park, the pool, my house, school, at a family gathering, whatever...I think about people that I would meet many years after those events and think about what they were doing at that exact moment, more so with friends who lived far from me at the time. How similar or different were our upbringings? Culturally and environmentally distinct of course, but being in America there probably a sense of homogeneity in our daily lives, not to say that is a bad thing. I mean as kids we all mostly probably cared about our families, Saturday morning cartoons, sugar fixes, skinned knees, sand in our shoes, and not giving a shit about how unkempt we may have appeared. The differences and specific interests and the learned self-consciousness became much more explicit as we matured and were introduced to each other by fate or serendipity, whatever you want to call it. And this idea is reversed in a way as an adult, for me at least, wondering where some of those childhood friends are now.

John Kennedy Toole was a gentleman who was raised in a relatively isolated environment where his mother refused to let him play with other kids and doted on him as being a genius. He grew up and became an English professor who was simultaneously working towards a doctorate and furtively writing his magnum opus, A Confederacy of Dunces. Under great turmoil from his inner demons only heightened by the constant rejection of the book by publishers, he killed himself at thirty-one. Confederacy was published and Toole was posthumously awarded the Nobel. Though I haven't started reading that one, I am currently reading his only other work, The Neon Bible, a quasi-autobiographical account of a boy growing up in the South during WWII. Blissfully simple prose, Toole wrote it at sixteen and initially intended to submit it in a writing contest but was found many years after his death by his mother in a drawer. His struggles with loneliness yet identifying with his aunt whom I perceived as being a more content, older version of himself I found myself unapologetically drawn to. Almost done with it!

I absolutely love Deerhoof. Their sweet atonal serenades and bone-crunching riffs are perfectly contrasted with the cherubic whimsical vocals of their frontwoman, a Japanese chanteuse less than five feet in stature. Their drummer has revolutionized what is possible with one bass, one snare, and one set of cymbals (at least live that's been the set up). Their chords are so dissonant and richly constructed, together with abstract storytelling lyrics and beautifully absurd song arrangements, i mean just as something gets catchy enough to stick in your head, they bombard you from the opposite angle. They deserve to be the biggest band in the world though they are obviously not accessible enough for that to ever happen. Maybe in hipster heaven, but i don't think i'd want to see the hipster Almighty telling me my fate while wearing girl jeans and refusing to uncross his arms. I'd write more, but i'm tired now. perhaps later

It seems like all our friends have gone...

Thu, 25 Jan 2007 21:20:05 GMT

It's completely confounding that this journal hasn't been erased or taken in the...2.5 years since my last visit.

Lately i've been ambivalent about returning to this old thing, to decide whether I should reread past entries to laugh at their naivete and superficiality or perhaps to contribute updates in the same vein. The kids today have all flocked to myspace and facebook, the latter of which i prefer but only because to me it appears to be less driven by advertising and superfluous administration, though they both are hypertext popularity contests in their own right. My point is that with a little more discipline and maturity I would like to leave arbitrary updates now and again for therapeutic purposes, not necessarily for an audience (which probably isn't something to worry about). So i'll give it a go, with hopefully more to follow.

Liberation, excitement, relief...these are the concepts I initially associated with my recent graduation and now in late january it feels like none of them, at least tentatively. The vacation guise has faded to reveal boredom, and the allotted free time I am trying to fill with a new reading list, since my work hours have been drastically cut short in the past few weeks. Tonight I'm going in at 6:10, what is the goddamn point? But anyway, the past few semesters all i could fathom was receiving that diploma, to be one step closer to a lifestyle that involved primarily working or schooling and not a intolerably cumbersome balance of the two. Yet in retrospect it feels like more of a burden of routine than apathy, but I am satisfied with my accomplishments and the i know the future holds wondrous possibilities despite the fears everyone has at this age about being successful, ascertaining one's identity and purpose in the exuberant and cathartic game that is society and all that jazz...

which is why over the past few months I have deliberated over applying to grad school or simply relocating, to live through the perspective of another culture within my own country or even surpassing that and moving abroad. so, i've decided to get a job in a pub in London. The initial application has been sent and now I wait for the visa application in the mail, so now i can say it is definitely happening and I should be leaving in mid April. i won't know exactly where I'll be working until about a few weeks before departure but i do know that it will be on the outskirts of London, typically 40-50 hrs/week which doesn't seem too overwhelming considering my current job is one of the more physically demanding ones out there sans something like coal mining. The contemplation of it all is ineffably exciting, since i would love nothing more than to start fresh in a new location and to make new friends, not to rag on friends at home but this town has offered all it can for a weird bloke like me and it would be prudent to pursue a happier existence in a culturally and historically rich environment, qualities Louisville lacks in droves. I've never verily fit in here, and in the past i've always been able to find and embrace the friendships of similar individuals but as I get older I find it increasingly difficult to maintain psychological stability to continue that trend in the same old surroundings, perhaps catalyzed as those close to you move on to more ambitious goals. This is not a bad thing at all, it's part of growing up and it would be frivolous to not wish the best of success towards them. The cognizance of this allows one to examine his/her own status, and though you shouldn't simply contrast and compare credentials it is an exercise that can assuage one's self-doubt and to face adversity with the enviable reward of contentment.

I only hope i can be so lucky to taste some semblance of this in oh seven.

Tune in later for some pretentious musings on new music and non-updates in the love life department.

Sat, 31 Jul 2004 17:10:05 GMT

I got home last night after driving around with my buddy Drew, and decided to sit out on the deck and smoke a couple of cigarettes before heading to bed. Just sitting there in the cool breeze, the trees swaying, the clouds of early rain subsiding and separating to reveal the light polluted atmosphere. An electrical storm was raging overhead as well, grand flashes of light striking the ground with almost no sound or the lowest of grumbles. I believe the constant passing of UPS planes(@ what seemed like 100 ft from my head, being there on the third floor) were louder than the lightning. Still high from some amazingly strong MJ i continued to sit and just think about how enjoyable the moment was, and how happy i am now to be on my own, as I near 21. Life needs more times like these, where we stop our daily routines and just pause to reflect on how fortunate you and I really are.

Tyson got knocked out in the 4th round. Getting up right at the count of 10, a stark reminder of his first loss ever to Buster Douglas, probably the most surprising upset ever. I am happy for Williams though, he just has the advantage of age, weight, and overall fitness. Re-match!

New music is good.

I think next Friday the 13th will be a lucky one.

Lee Lee Lee Lee Lee, Lee LEE Lee Lee Lee Lee, we're talkin' fuckin' Lee

Wed, 07 Jul 2004 19:22:13 GMT

Does anybody want to go see Sonic Youth in Washington DC on August 11? It's about a day's worth of a drive, if anyone is interested let me know.

Wed, 09 Jun 2004 19:46:17 GMT

by the way, i am in no way racist or against the Japanese people in any shape or form, just wanted that disclaimer.

the green automobile

Wed, 09 Jun 2004 19:33:57 GMT

"Police: Man decapitates grandmother, ex-girlfriend"

"Two middle school students accused of plotting a Columbine-style killing spree were found guilty Tuesday of making terroristic threats, but cleared of the more serious charge of conspiring to kill a teacher. But the judge agreed with defense attorneys who said that a skateboard tool that belonged to Joseph (one of the kids) could have been mistaken for a handgun. The boys' attorneys said punishment could range from continued house arrest with counseling to juvenile detention."

"Blast rips through house." "Man killed, etc, etc."

I fear for the morality and strength of our country in the latter years of our lifetime. The newspaper is too depressing anymore. Thankfully there are outlets such as books and guitar and new wave to let us know it hasn't all gone to shit.

Adam and Leah came over last night, and I stumbled upon a somewhat facetious yet scary-if-possible theory that made he and myself wonder, "what if?"

First off, it's obvious that we as Americans are getting dumber, simultaneously realizing that many of the material products, devices, and forms of entertainment we enjoy are imported from Japan. Think about it: computers, numerous video games, anime, Sony stereo systems, cars, almost every piece of cheap plastic in a Toys R' Us store, the list goes on. All the while, Japan seems to be sucking up to us on an unlimited basis. They embrace our popular music, they Love our sports (especially baseball), now i know it's ironic to exemplify real life using a film, yet while watching Lost In Translation, i was surprised at the shockingly similar manner in which a group of young adults on the prow in Tokyo conduct themselves in comparison to our own social circles. Call it Westernizing if you will.

Here's the juicy t-bone of where this is going: Only now we are realizing the young generation's desensitization from being the first generation raised on cable TV and video games, making us to a degree less ambitious and artistic AS A WHOLE, I am NOT saying alternate forms of high intellect and art do not exist, it surely does, just less in number, not so much the norm as say, sixty years ago. Think about it, hardly anybody reads anymore, no one would know the name of a great poet or author or scientist or classic filmmaker if you slapped it on a lunchbox and said "I saw that in Mean Girls!" or "Mandy Moore thinks that's soooo kewlll!!" Could Japan be using this desensitization to their advantage? Why would they, you ask? Do you have a valid reason? OK, here's two.

Hiroshima and Nagasaki. I don't even need to recall the horrors experienced in those two places in 1945. There could, in theory, be an underlying hatred of America still brewing today with a new generation of sharp minds, remembering the tales of their grandparents. This whole time we appear to be on the best of terms, but Japan could be waiting for when Generation X starts running the country and decide it's about time we stopped ruling the world.

Sounds paranoid, doesn't it? You never know, though. But we were all high as we concocted this and the key points were stuck firmly in my mind all this morning, and i felt it would be cathartic to get it down in a journal and to read it out loud in an organized, out-of-body and mind form.

the crossroads is not a fucking chicken restaurant in Mississippi!

Fri, 04 Jun 2004 19:00:11 GMT

Whenever i read a negative review of an album that i really like, or i consider to be the said artist's best work, or even accepted by many as a landmark piece, it always reminds me of that old saying, "Those who can't do, teach." The same goes for critics. If they have the perfect idea of what makes an album the best of its genre (or just coming along at the right time when music needs a nationwide boost), what is necessarily keeping them from shelving out the hundred dollars from their meager paychecks, saved religiously to pay their one-bedroom apartment rent, and waltzing down to a studio to show us how it's done? Their explanation:

"Well, sir, you may express frustration at my opinions, but that's just what makes a good song. I don't have the powers to create such art myself, i didn't grow up among divorce or a nomadic lifestyle, maybe i lack the emotional outlets, but i know it when i see it." (too many "I's")

No, you are either too afraid to put your talents out there for everyone to see, overly lazy and just want to write and bash others' accomplishments for a living, or you just want to show off your pseudo-Ivy League vocabulary potential (with prefixes like pseudo, to name one) and your ability for "interesting" anecdotes.

sorry, i am reading the Pitchfork review of the White Stripes' Elephant. over the past year i've come to almost completely relate to brent's tastes and preferences in indie and mainstream music, but when he writes these little whoppers i wonder if he really means it, or if he feels it is good to balance all the positive reviews with a negative one thrown in the mix, perhaps to present a non-biased webzine. Brent makes valid points about the deterioration and exploitation of the blues these days, yet i feel the stripes are the best example of it's "updating" to a younger generation already too consumed by the bombastic, flashiness style-over-substance trends in mainstream music today. Hint: go to a local joint sometime for some live music, you may like it, and the CD of the band likely won't be $20 either.

whatever, that site is my Bible these days anyway so maybe i'm talking out of my ass.

i went to the library the other day and got an extensive biography of Allen Ginsberg, Dharma Lion, along with Dr. Sax and The Dharma Bums by Kerouac, My Education by Burroughs, and an extensive Led Zeppelin analytical work. So far i have only started Lion, i just get so engrossed in the early life of Allen at Columbia University, strolling in the upper west side of NYC with jack and bill, all the while engaging in fruitful discussions and debates over literature, drugs, sex, the state of the world and forming new tactics of poetic expression, and during all of these early days he was younger than I am now. some americans in their thirties today know nothing more than reality television shows, who won the game last night, how much they're gonna drink this weekend along with who they're going to fuck (or try to).

sorry if i sound angry, i'm totally not, just wish that our culture would have an "intellectual revolution" but with the current status quo of "it's cool to be dumb and not care" bothers me. the last truly monumental movement in this country came at the expense of thousands upon thousands of young deaths in Vietnam, quite possibly a similar one will occur if Bush is around another four years and the draft is re-instituted. i guess we'll have to wait and see.

I love the valley OH!!

Thu, 27 May 2004 07:01:03 GMT

wow, i have noticed that the last time i posted an entry was five days before i moved into this apartment on First St. just right down the street from my beloved/non-beloved school of "choice." been living here for two months in soaken wood goodness, cable-less goodness. i am enjoying every minute of it, except for the times during the early afternoon when it gets hot as shit and i have to leave in 93° weather just to enjoy a few minutes of air-conditioning and free alcohol (at the 'rents'). Colin is a pretty easy and likeable roommate, i think our friendship has developed more since i moved in, we went to chicago last april to see the strokes (sorry, no pics) and I bought tickets to Lollapalooza, check out the lineup for August 9th and 10th in Ohio, everyone should be there if they can.

man i am drunk so i am gonna stop right here and someone should post a comment or two.

delfeayo marsalis live beneath us and is giving me free tickets to his next show...

we like to sit around

Mon, 09 Feb 2004 06:57:17 GMT

Sorry if my rant offended anyone the other day, just had to vent some frustrations and get it off my chest, it made me feel a lot better. thanks for the talks erin and josh, you are both good friends to me.

went to earxtacy today, it was weird being in there on a sunday morning and everyone inside looked like they were part of that indie hipster schtick - you know, the tight t-shirt, stonewashed jeans, malnourished body, pale skin, converse sneakers, coke bottle glasses for the women, much better than what you'd expect for a sunday morning, moo moos and sponge rollers or a bunch of religious fanatics saying what we listen to these days is spawned by the devil. later on threw rocks into the ice-covered mcneely lake, it was crazy, you could skip large and bulky stones over the middle of the surface, it was thick enough and even if you threw it straight down over the ice with considerable force nothing would happen except a small crack in the top and an air bubble to show for it.

the yeah yeah yeahs on march 1st if anyone is interested.

1, 2, 3, repeater

Sat, 07 Feb 2004 20:48:53 GMT

i wondered for awhile today if this would be my last post ever in this thing. lately i feel as if none of the close friends that i have had in the past few years have any care at all about keeping in touch or hanging out. since the semester has started back again i've been so busy that it's hard to stop and take a breather, and i know it's the same for a lot of people. yet somehow i feel that the friends i made at manual who went on to uofl or uk are just in their own worlds. if i call someone, they arent interested in talking. if i offer to smoke with them, their answer is in the form of, "havent been doing that lately, im growing up, you know..." it even gets more aggravating when trying to have simple conversations over subjects such as music, politics, the arts, etc. everyone is just trying to outdo one another and prove that they are more enlightened than anyone else rather than just exchanging information, interpretations, feelings, similarities in those feelings, and the like. for instance yesterday i was told about the black keys' show in newport that occurred last night. i dont want to bitch but it feels just a bit frustrating when your friends go to all these shows without letting you know, especially when you take a day off of work ahead of time to see one and then get bailed out upon. its condescending, arrogant, and hurtful. i dont have the balls to say anything to their faces because who knows, they just might never include me again in anything, which is just about where the situation has come to. maybe ive just become an unenjoyable person to be around, i honestly try to be a nice guy and to listen to others when they express themselves, though sometimes you feel youre being taken advantage of when they dont listen to you or just wait to talk. all i would like is maybe one more summer of good times and good friends before everyone graduates and moves away and truly begin their lives. good luck to you all but dont forget who you are or those who care about having you in their lives. peace

Everything's alright...

Fri, 19 Dec 2003 21:06:19 GMT

The snowflakes are brewing up some accumulation today in their own violent, silent manner, so much better than rain, in many ways except for having to scrape the icy formations off of your windshield.
I feel pretty good about only having to work six more days of the year, despite my need to save more cash (dont i say that every time?). Haven't been able to since i am still getting over the flu. Tuesday was fever, congestion, fatigue, and sore throat. Wednesday was the cold symptoms and a cough that would put serj tankian's bizarre scream to shame. i'll probably have this annoying cough for another week, as most people i know who have gotten it have experienced the cough for that long. Too much damn cold weather and things to finish before the 25th.
I finally got my amp in for repair, after lugging the huge thing to three different places, sound n' music on new cut took it in, gracias to the south enders for their cooperation and eternal chillness, tommy was right, i think i'll live out there if i decide to make a living in louisville.
The band has been practicing and we are playing a show at a friend's lair on NYE, the 'rents are out of town, so it looks to be a rockin good time. As of now we have seven original songs plus a couple of covers (zeppelin and the strokes, yes two of a kind i know) This is what i want to do for a living - have the day job for the bills, and work my ass off to be in a good band, as long as its fun and we get a message across. Who knows, perhaps one day i could live off of touring, wouldn't that would be a paradise!

New tattoo, broken string, biting cold air, think i'll write my name in the snow, get out of the parking lot, bleed onto the big streets and the highways and off to other cities, smoky hickory club, upper class hipster joint, farmhouse bash, beer, sleep, do it all over again.

Hope to see all of you over the holiday break and plenty of fun times ahead.

prose

Fri, 28 Nov 2003 07:36:25 GMT

1100am, waited on nicks call though those sleepy all nighters ending at 6 in the morning, goddammit i was counting on that, guess id relax with some lebowski and realize how much i still had to clean up in my dusty lair, hell even the vacuum was dusty...i shed too much skin...out soon to mcneely, nick and cousin had warm looks ready to go and get lifted, and LIFTED i got, which was evened out with rotar pad fuck-up yet again..possibly second time that's occurred...back home through scenic raw dirty fall, wet and beautiful, mellow crisp nature dying brings a surprisingly serene smell to my buds..i lick my lips and enjoy another camel...two platefuls of homemade mashed potatoes, white meat with gravy, and 'shrooms, rolls, butter, cranberry, chocolate pie, vanilla and cherry coke, bloated stomach, present from grandma to me of myself holding a horse' reins when i was four...captures the innocence that wont ever come back...fern creek, behind eastland centre, two tea cigs and a strawberry philly...Conan is the best man on late night...Jenny's root canal got excruciating and required trip to ER, though three painkillers and a joint changed her mind after about fifteen minutes...mandy left with this guy and was coming back, had to go home since chip had to go to work early the next morning, was fun, but i was positive i was gonna get laid...maybe that'll be my next birthday present

happy thanksgiving...and to all a good night

Fri, 28 Nov 2003 07:14:34 GMT

lebowski, marijuana, family, food, food, more family, more marijuana, painkiller, sleep

Kids thinkin' their words rhyme only 'cause of the suffix

Wed, 19 Nov 2003 19:53:53 GMT

Today in my speech class our prof was giving some advice to a girl on how she should organize her persuasive speech, the last one of the semester. Her topic was media violence, mainly around the negative effects television has on children. Examples of this were easy to come up with - bratty, impatient kids who aren't disciplined, have no strive for anything cultural (music, art, literature). I'm certainly not saying this applies to all kids, but you must admit a lot of people even in our generation just have no drive to better themselves. It's all about the job, wanting the 2.5 kids in suburbia, what's on reality TV tonight, etc. Anyway, what struck me about this girl is that given her "research" on the topic, the prof suggested kids watch more PBS, and she had no idea what PBS was. Hmm, seems like a product of her own topic, reminds me of Nietzsche's decadent (french, not english) principle, or maybe thats a bit harsh, heh. I went to lunch today with my parents and my stepbrother at Rocky's Italian grill, had a pepperoni calzone that i had to box and take home, theyre food is THE shit. My mom told me that my uncle who was in the hospital for surgery is fine, they removed a cyst on his kidney believed to be cancerous but it turned out it wasn't. She said you don't know how much of a relief that is for Kathie (my aunt). I thought about that for a minute, looking back on all the awful experiences my mom had to endure with my dad being sick, and she never made it obvious in her appearance, she always presented herself with a smile on her face and didn't let it affect her relationships with family or friends. I'm afraid if that happened to me I wouldn't be so strong.
I splurged at earxtacy the other day, bought some fugazi, the wrens, the new strokes cd/cheap dvd, and Rjd2. I've become very into instrumental hip-hop, im thinking id like to learn how to make beats and incorporate them with guitars and odd sounds. Imagine some Isaac Brock wails and tremolo skills over some hard ass rhythms, haha.
Guess i will take a nap before work.

In the someday, what's that sound???

Fri, 14 Nov 2003 15:52:19 GMT

Happy birthday to me.

Frat boys dont belong at a Stripes show

Wed, 12 Nov 2003 20:24:19 GMT

As i gave my speech on the Patriot Act this afternoon, usually my mind is occupied with the thoughts of nervousness or whether or not i included everything that is supposed to be in the presentation. Today, however, i was more tired than anything, not completely exhausted but tired from the incredible night i experienced with the white stripes and my friends. When i got home from class yesterday, i smoked a bowl and chilled as i waited for josh to call me, around 4pm ben uses his cell to call and says they're about 90 seconds away. After a quick stop at Taco Bell it was on to Indianapolis. You know it was the best of luck that this evening's happenings were postponed since july, and even now on the way down there it begins to pour. Last year it was snow, now rain, i never have good luck with these concert pilgrimages in terms of weather. Getting nearer we decided to consume our brownies which were fucking amazing, it was like a scrumptious THC cake with chocolate filling. Once we got there, we stood in the rain for about a half hour, thinking the egyptian room would be filled with humid stinky people, but that was not the case. The first band was called Whirlwind Heat, a unique bass-heavy rhythm rock art punk trio who were quite impressive, imagine the Liars' sound with the tempo changes of Dillinger Escape Plan. My back began to hurt while standing around waiting for the Stripes to come out, all between sets they had old Betty Boop cartoons playing on a big screen which was cute i guess but it wore out its novelty really quickly. Finally the infamous duo graced us with their presence - jack in all black, meg in white t-shirt and red pants. I was amazed at how much power and overdrive jack could get out of one guitar, i dont think i've ever heard such a definitive, tight performance from only two musicians. It was simply an event not to be missed. They played for about 90 minutes, some songs i thought were a bit rushed, yet they came out for an encore of three more after 'ball and biscuit.' The only damper of the night was this group of obviously aging jocks who probably thought this was their last chance at claiming youth. The only individuals who were acting stupid were by all chances right in front of us, with one beefcake frat boy who looked very out of place and would not stop getting in people's faces. Don't get me wrong, i'm all about having fun and letting loose at a show, but with this kind of music you should save the heavy drinking and pseudo-moshing for after the concert. Or maybe for a Mindless Self-Indulgence show, heh. After the encore ended we were going to wait for jack and meg to come out and get on their tour bus, but we decided to head back, with me getting home around 1:30, so it wasn't really too late at all. There truly is an essence of their sound that must absolutely be experience live, that are not duplicated on their albums. Honestly one of the most enjoyable concerts ever. Now with this music assignment i will dwell on the antics of last night and look forward to my birthday. Oh yeah, and nick, next time finish your homework beforehand!! (j/k)
peace out.

Come be a part of the musical revolution

Mon, 10 Nov 2003 19:39:59 GMT

Tomorrow: smoke, class, brownies, White Stripes show, good times with josh, ben, nick, and myself. Friday - my birthday. This will be the best week ever.

Maybe the director wants to live through Ethan Suplee...

Mon, 20 Oct 2003 21:09:01 GMT

Something came in the mail today which may or may not decide my future at UPS. It was a statement regarding my money for the semester, which i did NOT get due to the fact that it was postmarked too late, though it clearly was and i know since i remember the date. You'd think I'd be mad, but i see it as an opportunity to find employment elsewhere, such as Humana. My uncle tells me I can get as much as $5000 for school, and all i have to do is answer phones for a few hours every shift. Maybe it's my lazy side coming into play, but I won't bust my ass for a mediocre paycheck when i can get the same cash doing much less labor.

On Friday Ross came into town and we hung out on Friday, then got drunk at Adam's house that night after work in honor of his birthday. It was quite amazing, lotsa beer and bowls and a blunt to top off the evening. I also got some goodness from Brandon's brother Eric on Saturday and proceeded to spend the day smoking at his lair, showing Adam some basics on a new guitar he got for his birthday. It's a cheap-as-fuck instrument yet it has some good tone for the price, I certainly would say. Today we went back there after speech recitation and put the water pipe to good use. Right now with a new boss I think i will try to get off on the days of TVOTR and the Stripes as well as the 14th, just hope theyre not dicks about it. Maybe i will ask out the cute girl working at Thornton's today. Well i am gonna learn some preachin' blues.

Flashdance ass pants

Tue, 07 Oct 2003 19:47:30 GMT

I got home from school today and sat and watched two kids playing in the street while i enjoyed a cigarette on the swing. They apparently were making up fabrications about thier respective ages. One insisted that he would always be three years older, so in an uptight fashion they blurted out ages while on their scooters, going back and forth and screaming, "I'M 18! Then I'M 21!!" This was slightly amusing while still being high.

Went to the track with josh on saturday, my bankroll went from about $85 to $160 by the end of the day, had at one point over $200, then went back to UK for some jams and smoke and by the time we got back to louisville it was already 1130 so I went ahead to bed. Sunday I was supposed to practice with Kris but as soon as I got there the drummer's bass drum broke, so instead I bought an eighth and hung out with them for awhile. Went to earxtacy for some new jams, bought some SFA, TV on the Radio, and a Son House album that i can't stop listening to, his voice is just as breathtaking as his guitar playing!

Life is good at the moment, wish i had more time to read and to engage in the more creative side activities that I enjoy, but school just wont let that happen to us, now will it? I'm thinking about asking out a girl from work, shes only been there a month but is really cute and appears to be very interesting, though I've only known her for a couple of days. Maybe then I could have a date for the nye show if we go to it (btw the white stripes and the flaming lips are playing in chicago on nye, itll be the SHIT) For now, ill try to learn some blues on the acoustic and postpone work on my speech which is due tomorrow, eh its college.